Do You Wake Up Already in a Panic?

Before your eyes are fully open, does the worry start setting in?

I find myself, more mornings than not, waking up and quickly becoming overwhelmed.

I worry. What will the morning look like? Will it be pulling teeth to get my kiddo out of the bed? Will it be complete chaos getting them out the door?

I panic. Will they have a headache, a stomachache? Will they start crying the minute I wake them up? Will they beg or (my teenager) loudly tell me to leave them alone?

I have ADHD.

I know mornings are super hard. I still laugh remembering all of the times my mom told me I'd "eventually become a morning person". HA! I'm thinking - - if it's not happened by 55, it's just not happening. (I was not diagnosed ADHD until I was in my late 40's by the way. Explains a lot!)

Motivation doesn't just exist in my world. I have to get moving and pray that I'll eventually "get into" whatever task is ahead of me. Often it does. Especially if it's something I enjoy.

But there are those days. Days when a shower feels like moving mountains. Days when the thought of emptying the dishwasher feels like it will take ALL day. The arguing that happens in my brain. Just get started! You know it will be over before it starts. Why am I making such a big deal about this?

Then the overwhelming desire begins to set in: bed rot, streaming my favorite show, texting friends. All the while looking at all of the crap I need to get done that day and feeling even worse.

Now put that into a child's mind.

A mind with no true experience to call on from past incidents when everything worked out. Not many examples of "I feel this way now, but it will pass soon". The burning desire to throw the covers over their head and hope the day passes them by.

Then add onto that a neurodivergent child with autism. They don't feel 'right' in their own skin. They perceive that everyone else "can just do this stuff without any issues".

Don't forget to add all the other executive functioning challenges. They didn't organize their stuff for school. They aren't prepared for the quiz. They dislike the one teacher. The other kids "won't talk to me". "I don't have enough time to get ready" (time blindness).

I could go on about food sensitivities, food aversions, food refusals, poor nutrition.

I could add in pathological demand avoidance. (PDA or Pathological Demand Avoidance is commonly understood to be a profile of autism. The most well-known features of PDA is demand avoidance, which is where a person finds it hard to manage everyday tasks or demands, even those they want or need to do.)

And this happens in about the first hour of my day! (I laugh so I don't cry.)

Actually, my kiddo and I are very similar, so we tend to feed each other's executive functioning challenges. Sounds fun, right?!?!

Most neurodivergent children have at least one parent who is also neurodiverse. My household? Two ADHD parents. Two of my four kiddos are autism level 1. One of which also has ADHD and generalized anxiety, PDA, and is phenomenal at procrastinating. Can you guess that she's the one that triggers me and likewise, I trigger her?

It's never boring at my house!!

Take aways:

When you wake up already about to have panic attack about your upcoming morning with your kiddo before your feet hit the floor, take a breath. Stay calm. Be patient. Know that it will be what it will be - - and THAT IS PERFECTLY OK!!!!

There's no "handbook" for parenting, especially for parenting differently.

Most importantly - - you are not alone in this! I think many of us suffer in silence, but we're out here. Taking it one day at a time (sometimes one minute at a time).

Progress not perfection!

If you know of someone who needs to hear this today, please feel free to share! <3